l hate my scales l hardly eat anything and it seems like the supid scales just dont move, but you are not beating me scales l will force you to move by eating less and less, you dont rule me l rule you! lts so annoying when this happens but l hate food anyway plus l have lost my apetite, so eventually l will be thin! hope you are all doing well! 

lt was a hard day as l felf very emotional and my sister rang and she was emotional, lts hard when you remember hurtful things from the past that people you love have done, and because it is in the past you have to let it go!   but before l can let it go l like to let out all the feelings of hurt by writing it down and then l have to forgive and forget, to deal with the future! So diary you mean so much to me as this is where l put the past to rest and place my anger here and leave it here!  l feel like screaming as l have to build my confidence right from the start, it seems like an impossible task! l dont seem to be making the progress l want but then l maybe my confidence is growing but l just dont see it clearly!  l have to stay focused and strong its a bit like building a wall, brick by brick! l am happy with the eating part of my life as l hav gone of food and l am always craving for the joy of being in control of what l eat, as it is the only thing l feel l hav control of at the moment!  l hope the weight is dropping off quickly but if not even if it takes time l will wait, also helping others has been a great joy to me on anorexicqueen, and also having their beautiful support!  lm not so angry now as l have let my feeelings out without hurting anyone!

l feel so angry so l think its a good idea if l just let it out here, l feel like a fool to hav let people treat me with no respect and try and control me, enough is enough no more am l going to just let people bully me!
Firstly my mother, who does she think she is!  Just coz shes my mum doesnt mean she can bully me and get away with it, she bullys everyone she knows and they just end up having nothing to do with her!  l dont want to cut her out of my life completely but l do want her to stop telling me how to live my life!  She has written me one of her famous letters and l am not even going to read it, it is going in the bin!  lf only she knew the suffering she has bought into my life, she practically destoyed me, only coz l had no confidence!   Why would a mother even try and destroy her child, why would she not listen to me instead of ignoring me?   l hav had enough of being her doormat from today it stops, l am taking back control of my life and not letting anyone bully me anymore!  My confidence is growing, lm not prepared to be invisable anymore, l hav a personality and l deserve respect from everyone!  Yes l am taking back control over my life and my eating1  l dont understand why these people are so intested in controling my life when they cant even control the food they eat or the drink!  l am the one who will end up slim and pretty and in complete control of my life!

l am also annoyed at my phone company as they hav messed  up everything over the past few months, they better sort it out otherwise l am going to send in a formal complaint! enough is enough!

 l was thinking back to when l weighed 105 lbs l felt so confident and good in my clothes, now l weigh 124 lbs   all that confidence has gone and negative feelings replace it! Fat is always on display it is so hard to hide and clothes always look worse the bigger you are!  But l am not sitting around feeling sorry for myself  but l am fasting and resticting my calories, so it wont be long before lm 105 lbs again, the thing l am looking forwards to getting back is my confidence, l know we all feel like this we are not the sort of people to complain about our weight and do nothing! So many people in the world hate their weight and hav no confidence at all but do nothing, l saw this happen to my mum she was slim and very confident and then her weight went up and up she is now a size 16 to 18 and all her confidence went but she does nothing about it, l just dont understand how women can live without confidence, lm getting mine back and so will you!

Well what a day talk about hard emotionally!  l thought it was never going to end and l just didnt feel like talking at all!  Firstly l managed 10 days of sitting up and today was so disappointing as a lay down all day!  l also binged terribly and felt suicidal,  l did no exercise and just about made it through the day with Gods help and the help of my friends on this site!   l do hope tomorrow will be better and i no one thing l am not weighing myself till next wednesday, l know this is for the best and will help me not panick when l see the scales arent moving, especially after a fast!  l dont think l am going to fast this week but if l do it will be for one day!  l will not label myself as having an eating disorder but l will say that l like to eat resricted amounts and hate fat!  l  am a bit nervous about tomorrow but l will not step onto the scales as l will just flip! hope to hav a good sleep now feel sleepy and l am hopeful for tomorrow!

Help i am feeling very suicidual at the moment i cant cope with the many feelings i hav been feeling over the past few days, i just want to not exist any more, if i could l would cut this fat of me, there is no escaping it, it follows me like a bad nightmare, tormenting me, im not even eating and yet it still hangs on to me as though it wants to destroy my life, im trapped and i dont no what to do, i thought not eating would make the fat go away but its there , bigger and bolder than ever, please  HELP me , l dont no who else to turn too xxx

Hi today was another great day of fasting, hope to fast again tomorrow, im going on my exercise bike in a bit and hope iv lost a few ponds today, sat up now for 5 days , so things are looking up! Looking forwards to looking in the mirror and noticing the weight loss and fitting into my clothes again!

Hi everyone done so well on the second day of my liquid fast and im not hungry, my tummy must be shrinking, im going to fast tomorrow too and then i will probably eat a few low calorie foods on friday! I must admit i like fasting, i hav fasted before quite alot but only until 6pm in the evening, so this is the first time iv fasted for 2 whole days. I weighed myself this morning and i had lost 2 lbs from one days fast! I am going to make liquid fasts part of my life probably fasting 2/3 days a week as i do enjoy it! I also feel less bloated and it will help me be a disciplined person when it comes to food, it also detoxes the body. I  really do love this site as i hav found friends who think like me when it comes to food, coz all the people i know just try and force me to eat like them but i hav always been different , right from a child, food wasnt important to me, being slim is!