l hate my scales l hardly eat anything and it seems like the supid scales just dont move, but you are not beating me scales l will force you to move by eating less and less, you dont rule me l rule you! lts so annoying when this happens but l hate food anyway plus l have lost my apetite, so eventually l will be thin! hope you are all doing well!
lt was a hard day as l felf very emotional and my sister rang and she was emotional, lts hard when you remember hurtful things from the past that people you love have done, and because it is in the past you have to let it go! but before l can let it go l like to let out all the feelings of hurt by writing it down and then l have to forgive and forget, to deal with the future! So diary you mean so much to me as this is where l put the past to rest and place my anger here and leave it here! l feel like screaming as l have to build my confidence right from the start, it seems like an impossible task! l dont seem to be making the progress l want but then l maybe my confidence is growing but l just dont see it clearly! l have to stay focused and strong its a bit like building a wall, brick by brick! l am happy with the eating part of my life as l hav gone of food and l am always craving for the joy of being in control of what l eat, as it is the only thing l feel l hav control of at the moment! l hope the weight is dropping off quickly but if not even if it takes time l will wait, also helping others has been a great joy to me on anorexicqueen, and also having their beautiful support! lm not so angry now as l have let my feeelings out without hurting anyone!
l feel so angry so l think its a good idea if l just let it out here, l feel like a fool to hav let people treat me with no respect and try and control me, enough is enough no more am l going to just let people bully me!
Firstly my mother, who does she think she is! Just coz shes my mum doesnt mean she can bully me and get away with it, she bullys everyone she knows and they just end up having nothing to do with her! l dont want to cut her out of my life completely but l do want her to stop telling me how to live my life! She has written me one of her famous letters and l am not even going to read it, it is going in the bin! lf only she knew the suffering she has bought into my life, she practically destoyed me, only coz l had no confidence! Why would a mother even try and destroy her child, why would she not listen to me instead of ignoring me? l hav had enough of being her doormat from today it stops, l am taking back control of my life and not letting anyone bully me anymore! My confidence is growing, lm not prepared to be invisable anymore, l hav a personality and l deserve respect from everyone! Yes l am taking back control over my life and my eating1 l dont understand why these people are so intested in controling my life when they cant even control the food they eat or the drink! l am the one who will end up slim and pretty and in complete control of my life!
l am also annoyed at my phone company as they hav messed up everything over the past few months, they better sort it out otherwise l am going to send in a formal complaint! enough is enough!
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